So I bet your wondering by the title of the post what in the heck could I possibly be talking about…
*Disclaimer if you are in the editing, publishing, proof-reading, journalism, error, grammer checking field, this post may cause you to have a premature increase in stress, heart rate, panic attacks!
Due to my intense need to remain true to my outlandish, dramatic mannerisms, animated speech and movment, humerous nature and my random and very rapid train of thought and deep desire to really give you the full impression of being there and experiencing the preformance of the product that was given to me for the purpose of beauty reviewing but actually saved my Halloween and the faces of my children..This post is written as with “Zero Regard For The Accuracy of Grammer, Spelling, any and all rules of grammer, composition, editing, proof-reading and so on and so on!
Now that we are all informed and aware let me get on with the deets!
Allthough last night was Halloween, and I was and had been baking, cooking, shopping, decorating, prepping, excited for weeks….
It would only figure that on Halloween I would be sleep-deprived, exhausted, feverish, achy, cold, clammy and a head that throbbed faster then any other organ that I have left in my tiny little body!
Did I mention that I had masterfully recreated a fab rendition of Cleopatra’s look for my PCA…. (My helper) before she left for the day..?
By the time both the boys had their costumes on and their dad was ready to go…I felt soooo worn out and I couldn’t muster even enough energy to get matching clothes on!
Throw in the fact that I had been cooking and baking and getting pumped for a little family style gathering that bombed at the LAST MINUTE…I was crushed and I waved the white flag thanked Chris for taking the boys kissed them, headed upstairs to cry…
So I tried to rest…(yes I made sure I put a TON of candy outside with a note for the kids so I didnt add any disapointment to anyone else’s Halloween night!
When I finally managed to sink into bed to try to “sleep” before the kids came home…it felt like I was sinking and my head felt like it was going to explode!
It seemed like not too long after I got settled that I was experiencing sensory overload (let me try to explain)
The covers were ripped off, lights on, freezing cold, heavy, moving, fussing mix of assalts to my hearing produced by the crying, screaming, shouting sounds of my 14 month old, six year old, and their Dad!
“What The Glob…What…What’s going on!”
Then as my eyes are starting to adjust the sight of my previously tan children who now well…My 14 month old now resembled a cross between a vampire, death, a muttled painting with globs of goo and tears running downward….ewww right in my face! My six year old was a ninja but in front of me was a morp of a oil slick, oil painting, demon, ninja, with goo, road tar and eyeballs staring at me!
I am thinking “Holy Crap What Is Happning Right Now…I better be sleeping..this is NOT Funny!”
As the crying is getting louder and I am trying to get my self centered… My Demon is shouting at me and the tears are flying and baby is in full on tantrum mode…The boys dad says…”here you fix this!”
Putting the baby on my chest the Demon Ninja Spawn and his Father head downstairs…
As I am trying not to get mad and get my accesment of what just happend I am thinking”Fix what…what the heck is going on..you didn’t even tell me you were home…!”
I cannot take the competition between my pounding head, baby screaming, heart racing I scoop him up and head downstairs…trying to figure what the items were used to literally plaster my kids faces on and what in the world will it take (and how long) it will take to get it all off….k
I walk to the kitchen to get a paper towel “nope tried it” Dad said…I went to grab the baby wipes (new pack of 100 is almost gone) ” nope tried it..made it worse” Demon Dad and Spawn remark in tune!
I am getting a inner fusteration that if I could internally combust and explode it would have been fitting for the situation.
” I have to my contacts back in” I set the baby down and head into the bathroom to put my eyes literally back in my head ( baby.is throwing a fit that would rate a exersision..Demon ninja is getting more grouchy and starting to get.snippy with Demon Dad outside of the bathroom door)… I am trying to get my sight together, my mind is trying to do cosmetic chemistry calculations and my body and feelings are all are on the tipping point!!!!
Then like as Oprah says in her Mag “My Aha Moment” happend as I put both of my hands on each side of the sink…it happens…as I am blinking my contacts into place…and my vision is clearing….
To my left hand the sink area is littered with the clues of the masterpeice makeup session the kids had with their daddy…to include old school grease crayon makeup, face paint, my Lancome lipstick (broken in half and smooshed and my Urban Decay “perversion shade” Liner broken….I was heartbroken and fuming..but laughing at the mental picture of the father of my kids playing make-up!!
Then to my right is the neatly stacked my huge train case of( makeup, my brushes soaking in cleaner, my stack of these
Soft Landings “Nail Wipes” and my bottle of makeup remover….I am thinking that if these 4×4’s that say Nail Wipes( work as well as they have been for the many uses I haven subjecting them to…) They can help me at least make some head way on the little one!
I grab two, plus the makeup remover tipped upside down and soaking the towels, I bust out the door and B-line it to the living room putting baby tantrum in my lap!
(Both Daddy and Big Ninja Demon are in the round about area quiet and staring at me waiting for something)
I ignore them because I am trying to not yell, panic, cry and calm myself down instead focused on task at hand….bringing down the demon! ( I figure this might at least work but it’s gonna be a long night)
I spend the time singing lound and off key, then rocking side to side and beat boxing baby babble…calming the teeny terror into laughter….(waiting and praying that holding this soaked Nail Wipe on the side of his face)
About 10 min in baby demon is bored and wiggly I take the wipe and pull downward…..(Great Success…Holy Glob Baby Under There!!!!!)
I get a crazy look from Dad and Bigger Demon Spawn and I realize (I can now return the favor from earlier)… ”You get your demon ninja butt up stairs get that costume off and get in your jammies and get right back down!”….” Yes Mommmmmm!”
I flip the wipe and tip tiny terror to the other side… He’s now staring at me “because I am sure he think’s Mom is a demon” I then look at Dad…. “Your Funny…really funny… You can drop this mess literally on my head…you can stop staring and at least make sure the boys beds are ready and I have some jammies for this demon seed when he changes back into a child!” ( I swear that the boy’s Dad actually both heard me clear and read my mind for the first time EVER cause he wasn’t standing there long!)
By the time they both returned down stairs (Didn’t take tooo long) Tiny Demon Seed was a worn out, sweeter, calmer, clean tan baby… I had the pleasure of looking like I totally knew what I was doing! (Greatest Payback In History)
And with one more 4×4 and some makeup remover and a few min my bigger ninja demon spawn was ready to dump out the loot, “Share” with his Mom ” He loves sooo much” by the time baby was taken upstairs with his nightcap to rest his head!
I had to settle the score so I ensured that when BOTH boys were human and in bed to sleep away the excitment and sugar crash…Dad wanted to recap the evenings end misadventures…I in no mood other than to go upstairs and pray I literally fall into a coma in bed simply replied ” Zip it old man or I will break you hip” ( Love that movie…and Sang I win I win I win and straggled up to bed!
Here’s the scoreboard to help u recap!%
Time attempted to remove “Dreaded Halloween Make-up”
Dad : unknown
Mom : 20 min
Dad: 1 roll paper towels, 80 baby wipes
I win I win I win…..heeeheeheee as a bonus I found really a great professional tool that literally does the fantastic job of removing the toughest crud on the planet on the most senstive of surfaces…my kiddo’s faces! They really are soft but they came through…impressive for something that is so Simply Labled as a Nail Wipes
They really are mislabled…they are a great tool to have around for uses too many to list here!
So with that in mind, check them out and put these to your own test….I can see why Professional and Celebrity nail artists love these!
I want to say a huge thank you to Soft Landings…who would have thought that they would have swooped in and rescued me!
And I hope you enjoyed this very interesting mix of a beauty product review, humerous story telling, sharing my family pictures and the personal story…make sure to connect with me and the folks at Soft Landings!
Untill Next Time